Treya on Feminity

"This is also a shift in my feelings about my femininity that opens up new possibilities, possibilities I once condemned. I am realizing more and more how much I adopted my father's values--production and contributing and all that--and I see now that his shoes don't actually fit me too well, much as I admire them. This combines with the new dimension I feel feminism taking, away from imitating men or proving we can do what they can do, toward valuing, defining, bringing forth, making visible the special kinds of work that women do. The work that doesn't have a title or a hierarchy of professional advancement."

Treya Wilber
[208]

G&G on Pain

"Pain is not a punishment, death is not a failure, life is not a reward."

Treya Wilber
[276]

G&G on Bad Plans

"I think most of my generation believes that 'honesty is the best policy' and that spouses should discuss every single thing that bothers them with the other spouse. Bad plan."

Ken Wilber
[359]

G&G on Comfort

"Instead of leading me to rant and rave about the state of things, or start a crusade to correct them, it helps me accept the way things are. But this doesn't lead to passivity since the emphasis is always on right effort while freeing oneself from craving and from aversion. In fact, for me effort becomes easier, almost paradoxically, because I find myself less attached to results, more involved in investigating what's happening than in setting goals, striving to reach them, and being disappointed if I don't. ... There it is, and all the reacting in the world won't change the truth of that present moment."

Treya Wilber
[281-282]

G&G on Listening

"I remind myself that I don't have to give concrete ideas or advice to be of help. Listening is helping. Listening is giving."

[251]

G&G on Society

"We are all, thankfully, part of a much larger whole. I like being aware of this, even though it means I have less control. We are all too interconnected, both with each other and with our environment--life is too wonderfully complex--for a simple statement like 'you create your own reality' to be simply true."

[250]

G&G on Fear

"And I know what's beneath it. Fear. Fear of being dependent. Fear of being rebuffed if I were to ask. Fear of being turned down if I showed my need. Fear of being needy. ... I didn't ask for help much. ... 'He will most likely be able to experience intimacy only when he is caring for someone else. This is safe. To be loved and cared for, however, results in emotional discomfort, an uneasiness that is easily detected.'"

[237]

Treya on being Brave & Vulnerable

Another thing is writing, crafting words, an early love quelled, pure and simple, by fear. This one is still the scariest of them all, the most public, revealing the inner workings of my mind and soul, afraid I'll be judged superficial, juvenile, boring, etc., etc. But I'm determined to write this book ...

[216]

Treya Wilber on Anger

"A friend congratulated me on how well I was handling it. ... I'm sure all this will be good for me, thank you, but I don't like it one bit. The only part of this acknowledgement I could accept was the part about being authentic. I am being authentic. I am being authentically pissed. I trust my anger, it feels healthy and appropriate. I'm not going to falsely put on a happy face about this. I suppose my feeling is that will come more completely and more deeply later if I go through the anger; or I may stay somewhat angry always about it. I don't know what will happen, but I do know that I need to stay with the anger for now and let it evolve."

Treya Wilber
[205]

Grace and Grit

"Look at my body! I have no head hair, no pubic hair, no right breast. Sort of like a plucked chicken! I have a body, but I am not my body! Thank God for small favors."

Treya Wilber
[135]